When we asked the young mother-to-be in our lobby how she had found her way to Abrazo, she said she had used Google to look up "how to give up baby" and that was what led her to our website.
She had known, she said, that she was not ready to be a mom.
She had told the baby's father, too, but he said it was her problem and denied the baby was his.
She had told her friends, who told her to go get an abortion but couldn't help her find the money.
She had told her mother, who said she had made her own bed and now had to lie in it.
So not knowing where else to turn, she said, she just ignored her pregnancy, hoping it would go away.
She didn't wear maternity clothes. She didn't get prenatal care. She tried not to think about it.
That didn't work, of course. She did gain weight. She did feel the fluttering and kicking in her belly. She did worry about what she was going to do, especially late at night, when she couldn't sleep.
But she didn't know where to turn. She didn't know who to ask. She didn't know who could help her.
Until she found Abrazo online, and then came in to meet our staff in person.
What Abrazo Does
She told us she had been couch-surfing lately, since she had no steady place to stay, and we told her the State allows licensed adoption agencies like Abrazo to help expectant mothers-in-need with such things as housing and counseling and medical care, during pregnancy and for a brief post-partum period, as well.
She told us she'd never known anyone who gave up her baby for adoption before, and we told her Abrazo has free private counseling available, as well as a weekly support group full of birthmothers who can tell her what placing a child for adoption is like-- good and bad, before and after.
She said she never knew an adoption could be open, and we told her that while state laws do not recognize open adoption agreements in the State of Texas, the right adoptive family is the one that can truly be trusted to keep their promises.
She told us she had had an abortion in the past that she always regretted and she wished she had known of Abrazo then. We told her that neither adoption nor abortion are easy options and that while both come with loss and grief, we hoped being able to see this child grow up, via open adoption, might lend her more peace and comfort.
She said she wanted a childless couple so her baby would be a family's firstborn, and we offered her profiles of home-studied prospective adoptive couples to take with her and review at her leisure,
And that is just what she did. She took the time she needed to consider all her options, as every responsible parent should. She took stock of all her alternatives, she participated in Abrazo's counseling program, and she ended up finding her baby the home of her dreams, with adoptive parents who truly have become like family to this birthmother, as well.
What Abrazo Doesn't Do
What Abrazo does not do is to assume that adoption is the best solution for everybody.
We can't, because it isn't. Adoption should always be an option of last resort, and parents who place or adopt need support and education to know that "give up baby" is the very least of what any good adoption is all about.
Moms who come to Abrazo to "put a baby up for adoption" or "give up my baby for adoption" learn very quickly that there is much more that goes into child placement than just signing over their rights and walking away.
Parents who come to Abrazo to adopt, likewise, learn that open adoption is about honoring a child's first family and respecting primal ties, so that the child they adopt can grow up healthy and whole.
They also learn that there is power in positive adoption language (which is why our staff refers to placing or adopting, rather than giving up or getting a baby.)
There's way more to it than just talk, though. Abrazo does not view open adoption as a sales tactic, but rather, as a sacred covenant between the birthparents and adoptive parents, to be upheld by both, and permanently supported by the adoption agency through its post-adoption services.
Abrazo teaches its clients to make honorary (written) open adoption agreements that may occasionally be altered with the agreement of all participants, but which should never be forgotten.
Abrazo cannot warranty that every adoptee will always agree with the decisions made on his or her behalf. We cannot guarantee that every adoption will prove to have been the "right" choice for every individual involved. We would not suggest that being adopted always makes every child's life "better" than if they'd grown up with their biological family-- rather, that every child's life may be different than if they'd grown up with their biological family.
Yet at Abrazo, we believe open adoption can bring miracles about, when it's done the right way and the right reasons. We've seen it happen. We know it can work for good.
And we believe that anyone who comes to Abrazo, whether to "give up baby" or "adopt a child," deserves our very best efforts on their behalf, and on behalf of all children, everywhere.
She had known, she said, that she was not ready to be a mom.
She had told the baby's father, too, but he said it was her problem and denied the baby was his.
She had told her friends, who told her to go get an abortion but couldn't help her find the money.
She had told her mother, who said she had made her own bed and now had to lie in it.
So not knowing where else to turn, she said, she just ignored her pregnancy, hoping it would go away.
She didn't wear maternity clothes. She didn't get prenatal care. She tried not to think about it.
That didn't work, of course. She did gain weight. She did feel the fluttering and kicking in her belly. She did worry about what she was going to do, especially late at night, when she couldn't sleep.
But she didn't know where to turn. She didn't know who to ask. She didn't know who could help her.
Until she found Abrazo online, and then came in to meet our staff in person.
What Abrazo Does
She told us she had been couch-surfing lately, since she had no steady place to stay, and we told her the State allows licensed adoption agencies like Abrazo to help expectant mothers-in-need with such things as housing and counseling and medical care, during pregnancy and for a brief post-partum period, as well.
She told us she'd never known anyone who gave up her baby for adoption before, and we told her Abrazo has free private counseling available, as well as a weekly support group full of birthmothers who can tell her what placing a child for adoption is like-- good and bad, before and after.
She said she never knew an adoption could be open, and we told her that while state laws do not recognize open adoption agreements in the State of Texas, the right adoptive family is the one that can truly be trusted to keep their promises.
She told us she had had an abortion in the past that she always regretted and she wished she had known of Abrazo then. We told her that neither adoption nor abortion are easy options and that while both come with loss and grief, we hoped being able to see this child grow up, via open adoption, might lend her more peace and comfort.
She said she wanted a childless couple so her baby would be a family's firstborn, and we offered her profiles of home-studied prospective adoptive couples to take with her and review at her leisure,
And that is just what she did. She took the time she needed to consider all her options, as every responsible parent should. She took stock of all her alternatives, she participated in Abrazo's counseling program, and she ended up finding her baby the home of her dreams, with adoptive parents who truly have become like family to this birthmother, as well.
What Abrazo Doesn't Do
What Abrazo does not do is to assume that adoption is the best solution for everybody.
We can't, because it isn't. Adoption should always be an option of last resort, and parents who place or adopt need support and education to know that "give up baby" is the very least of what any good adoption is all about.
Moms who come to Abrazo to "put a baby up for adoption" or "give up my baby for adoption" learn very quickly that there is much more that goes into child placement than just signing over their rights and walking away.
Parents who come to Abrazo to adopt, likewise, learn that open adoption is about honoring a child's first family and respecting primal ties, so that the child they adopt can grow up healthy and whole.They also learn that there is power in positive adoption language (which is why our staff refers to placing or adopting, rather than giving up or getting a baby.)
There's way more to it than just talk, though. Abrazo does not view open adoption as a sales tactic, but rather, as a sacred covenant between the birthparents and adoptive parents, to be upheld by both, and permanently supported by the adoption agency through its post-adoption services.
Abrazo teaches its clients to make honorary (written) open adoption agreements that may occasionally be altered with the agreement of all participants, but which should never be forgotten.
Abrazo cannot warranty that every adoptee will always agree with the decisions made on his or her behalf. We cannot guarantee that every adoption will prove to have been the "right" choice for every individual involved. We would not suggest that being adopted always makes every child's life "better" than if they'd grown up with their biological family-- rather, that every child's life may be different than if they'd grown up with their biological family.
Yet at Abrazo, we believe open adoption can bring miracles about, when it's done the right way and the right reasons. We've seen it happen. We know it can work for good.
And we believe that anyone who comes to Abrazo, whether to "give up baby" or "adopt a child," deserves our very best efforts on their behalf, and on behalf of all children, everywhere.
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