Plenty of people sign up with adoption agencies every week in hopes of what an agency will do for them, but who really wants to consider what adoption agencies cannot do?
What licensed adoption agencies can do for their clients is typically defined by the laws and standards of the state in which the agency is located. Most adoption agencies have gotten really good at telling prospective clients what their services entail, as competition makes effective marketing ever more essential.
Yet ask any adoption agency what they cannot do for you, and their response just might be far more informative than you may expect-- and it might do a lot more to prepare you, as well.
What Adoption Agencies Can Do
Most adoption agencies in most states can perform homestudies to certify adoptive parents as being suitable for placement and most adoption agencies can provide post-adoption supervision, to check in on the families after a child has gone home with them.
Most adoption agencies in most states can provide options and adoption counseling for expectant parents considering adoptive placement, and most adoption agencies can offer some level of financial support for pregnancy-related needs and/or services.
Most adoption agencies in most states can match prospective birthparents with prospective adopters during pregnancy, and/or match children available for adoption with prospective adoptive families, although they can never know for certain whether any particular match will "work out" for everyone involved.
Most adoption agencies in most states are charged with advocating for the best interests of the children entrusted to their care, whether or not adoption is ultimately best for each child.
Most adoption agencies in most states can (and should) provide post-adoption services to their clientele, including for the adoptees placed and adopted through their program, at no (or minimal) additional expense.
And most adoption agencies in most states can charge reasonable fees for their services, although "reasonable" often seems rather subjective.
What Adoption Agencies Cannot Do
Adoption agencies cannot guarantee that adoption is always the best choice for any child's future, nor that every adoption plan will end up as hoped.
Ethical adoption agencies tell prospective birthparents upfront that while adoption can be a very beneficial decision, there are no guarantees that adoption will result in a better life for the child--only a different one. Likewise, ethical adoption agencies must be forthright about warning both prospective birthparents and prospective adoptive parents that there are no promises that placement and/or adoption will definitely occur as planned.
Not every adoption plan results in placement, and not every placement ends with an adoption being completed. Not every adoptive parent will turn out to be a good parent, nor will every adoptive couple stay together. Not every adoptee will fit into the adoptive family as well as everyone hoped. Not every adoptee will be happy to have been adopted. And not every birthparent will view their adoption decision without regrets in the future.
Adoption agencies cannot promise that the adoptee will be perfectly healthy. Nor can every adoption agency know all of a child's medical problems prior to placement. This may seem obvious, but you'd be surprised how many prospective adoptive parents want adoption agencies to guarantee that they'll be placed only with a "healthy newborn."
Ethical adoption agencies tell adopting parents what they don't want to hear: that there is no way to predict how long it will take for an adoption to occur, that there is no such thing as a "risk-free adoption" and that every child is going to have some type of health concerns or medical issues in life, whether or not they are adopted.
Adoption agencies cannot compensate clients for their pain and suffering in life. (Okay, now go back and read that again, because you'll rarely hear any adoption agency tell you this, even if they should.)
Adoption is not "all about making people happy," even if it looks that way from the outside. Adoption is borne of loss, and grief is an inherent part of everything adoption agencies do, if they do it right. Placing a baby for adoption doesn't undo a crisis pregnancy any more than adoption can fix infertility, and even in the best of adoptions, the adoptee may grow up with an innate sense of loss over having had to be adopted and being unable to grow up in his or her family of origin.
None of this makes for much of a good sales pitch, but here's the thing: ethical adoption agencies should not be "selling" adoption to anyone in the first place.
It's evident why more adoption agencies are not eager to tell these truths, but it's more important than ever for those with ethics to do so, because any parent considering adoption needs to be fully-informed, in order to make their own best decisions-- for their child/ren and/or their family.
We don't blame the public for being far more interested in hearing about what adoption agencies can do for them. We do understand why folks prefer carrots to caveats.
Yet we believe the best consumers, whether placing or adopting parents, should listen carefully to what adoption agencies cannot do, and take all this information to heart-- before making any life-changing decisions, for themselves and for their families.
What licensed adoption agencies can do for their clients is typically defined by the laws and standards of the state in which the agency is located. Most adoption agencies have gotten really good at telling prospective clients what their services entail, as competition makes effective marketing ever more essential.
Yet ask any adoption agency what they cannot do for you, and their response just might be far more informative than you may expect-- and it might do a lot more to prepare you, as well.
What Adoption Agencies Can Do
Most adoption agencies in most states can provide options and adoption counseling for expectant parents considering adoptive placement, and most adoption agencies can offer some level of financial support for pregnancy-related needs and/or services.
Most adoption agencies in most states can match prospective birthparents with prospective adopters during pregnancy, and/or match children available for adoption with prospective adoptive families, although they can never know for certain whether any particular match will "work out" for everyone involved.
Most adoption agencies in most states are charged with advocating for the best interests of the children entrusted to their care, whether or not adoption is ultimately best for each child.
Most adoption agencies in most states can (and should) provide post-adoption services to their clientele, including for the adoptees placed and adopted through their program, at no (or minimal) additional expense.
And most adoption agencies in most states can charge reasonable fees for their services, although "reasonable" often seems rather subjective.
What Adoption Agencies Cannot Do
Adoption agencies cannot guarantee that adoption is always the best choice for any child's future, nor that every adoption plan will end up as hoped.
Ethical adoption agencies tell prospective birthparents upfront that while adoption can be a very beneficial decision, there are no guarantees that adoption will result in a better life for the child--only a different one. Likewise, ethical adoption agencies must be forthright about warning both prospective birthparents and prospective adoptive parents that there are no promises that placement and/or adoption will definitely occur as planned.
Not every adoption plan results in placement, and not every placement ends with an adoption being completed. Not every adoptive parent will turn out to be a good parent, nor will every adoptive couple stay together. Not every adoptee will fit into the adoptive family as well as everyone hoped. Not every adoptee will be happy to have been adopted. And not every birthparent will view their adoption decision without regrets in the future.
Adoption agencies cannot promise that the adoptee will be perfectly healthy. Nor can every adoption agency know all of a child's medical problems prior to placement. This may seem obvious, but you'd be surprised how many prospective adoptive parents want adoption agencies to guarantee that they'll be placed only with a "healthy newborn."
Ethical adoption agencies tell adopting parents what they don't want to hear: that there is no way to predict how long it will take for an adoption to occur, that there is no such thing as a "risk-free adoption" and that every child is going to have some type of health concerns or medical issues in life, whether or not they are adopted.
Adoption agencies cannot compensate clients for their pain and suffering in life. (Okay, now go back and read that again, because you'll rarely hear any adoption agency tell you this, even if they should.)
Adoption is not "all about making people happy," even if it looks that way from the outside. Adoption is borne of loss, and grief is an inherent part of everything adoption agencies do, if they do it right. Placing a baby for adoption doesn't undo a crisis pregnancy any more than adoption can fix infertility, and even in the best of adoptions, the adoptee may grow up with an innate sense of loss over having had to be adopted and being unable to grow up in his or her family of origin.
None of this makes for much of a good sales pitch, but here's the thing: ethical adoption agencies should not be "selling" adoption to anyone in the first place.
It's evident why more adoption agencies are not eager to tell these truths, but it's more important than ever for those with ethics to do so, because any parent considering adoption needs to be fully-informed, in order to make their own best decisions-- for their child/ren and/or their family.
We don't blame the public for being far more interested in hearing about what adoption agencies can do for them. We do understand why folks prefer carrots to caveats.
Yet we believe the best consumers, whether placing or adopting parents, should listen carefully to what adoption agencies cannot do, and take all this information to heart-- before making any life-changing decisions, for themselves and for their families.
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